At the end of 2014 I turned 27 and with that entered, what people in the astrological circles call, my Saturn Return.

Saturn is the hard task master of the zodiac. He is the planet of order, setting boundaries and reminds us of our commitments. So, when we hit the milestone of 27 we enter our Saturn return, which is Saturn returning to the sign it was in when we were born. It takes Saturn approximately 29.5 years to compete a full circle of the sun and the effects of Saturn returning to its starting point in your birth chart are felt from about the age of 27 until you reach 30.

They say how you handle these three years will determine how your next 29 years will go, until Saturn makes its next return, also known as the midlife crisis at about 56. Yay!

It’s a time of fronting up, getting real and working yourself out. You are leaving behind your fun and carefree 20’s for the next decade of your life. You will finally be known as an adult, whether you like it or not.

For me, my Saturn return stripped me bare and tore me apart, only to help me eventually acquire the important life lessons I needed to learn to emerge, a metaphorical butterfly from the cocoon.  

I feel like I went through every possible spiritual undertaking; I was the lost soul, I experienced a dark night of the soul, and then I had the souls reawakening, all within the 3 years Saturn was coming home.

It’s been nothing short of a rollercoaster and the lessons I have learnt these past three years have been nothing short of life changing, and all for the better.

So, let me break it all down for you:

My “Lost Soul” period, this was extremely fun a lot of the time, I travelled, I drank, and I laughed. But, there was also a lot of deep rooted sadness that I was able to hide beneath my happy exterior. Just.

That’s when it all came crashing down, and I entered what’s known as a “Dark Night of the Soul”. This period was my rock bottom, and I hit it hard. All the things I had pushed down and tried to forget during the period of the lost soul caught up with me and as Saturn was asserting his dominance over my life and holding me account for my actions, and inactions, I was torn down and apart. My life lost all meaning, I felt stripped bare and crushed by the weight of the world.

But, through this I was able to enter my spiritual reawakening.

From that place of brokenness, I was able to turn inwards and learn who I really was and rebuild myself anew, and better than before.

My souls reawakening led me to search for the answers everywhere from counsellors, life coaches, books, podcasts, and within my own self. And to be honest, it was the time I took to look inside myself, and realise a few key universal truths, that has helped me understand and grow into a more capable human.

These truths are simple yet, profound. They are: we either live in one of two states; fear or love. There is no other.

Fear is what’s behind everything we deem to be bad, from our hardships, depression, anxiety, sickness, disease, everything. It all steams from fear. It’s the “what if this happens” or “why can’t I have” mentality that I for one had grown very fond of living in. Fear tells you, you’re not enough, could never be enough. It says to you, you aren’t deserving and that everything is wrong.

Then there’s love.

Love is everything fear isn’t. Love knows things might not work but it tries anyway. Love knows that anything is possible and everyday it pushes you towards all the good things in life that you need, and it also pulls you away from the things you don’t.

Where fear is restricting, Love is expanding.

Fear keeps us small, it doesn’t want to be hurt so it doesn’t let you even try. Love knows that nothing could ever really hurt you, and that’s the second realization; I am always, always going to be alright.

With this knowledge that I will always be ok, fear doesn’t consume me. If something makes me scared I can realise this and choose love instead.

Now this doesn’t mean I am going to go and jump out of a plane or drive my car off a cliff, because “nothing can ever hurt me”, that notion is honestly very ridiculous. You need some fear in relation to life so that you look both ways before you cross the road, love won’t stop the bus from hitting you.

This concept is directed at all the unhelpful fear in our lives. It’s the fear of the future that keeps us stuck in a job we hate, a bad relationship, and in unhealthy eating patterns. It feeds our addictions to things like alcohol, drugs, gambling and sex. It’s the fear that stops us from being happy and content with where we are, it keeps wishing for more without ever letting us push through the boundaries that are holding us back.

So, for me, realizing that I had been living my life from a place of total fear and that I had the option to choose love instead, and that if I did choose love then whatever was to come from that, no matter the pain and the upheaval it might cause, I would always be ok, well it was a total life changing concept and with it came a peace I have never felt before.

I no longer have the anxiety that plagued me before about the what if. I can sit with the tough decisions and know that what is meant to be will be, not attaching myself to any of the possible out-comes. 

I can take a deep breath and repeat to myself “I will always be ok”.

This has been the reawakening of my soul, its helped me realise I don’t need to be afraid anymore.

I have only just made this switch in consciousness, so I am interested to see if its fleeting or forever. Life is a work in progress, there are no rights or wrongs, just learnings. Its every time I have failed that I have learnt my greatest lessons.

Now that Saturn has passed through Sagittarius and is now settling into Capricorn, which it is the ruling planet for, I feel the pressure has been lifted. I have been rebuilt anew and I feel more confident to take on this next stage of my life, capable and without fear.

I implore you to look inside yourself and at the life you have going on around you. How attached are you to everything? Do you get scared at the thought of not having something; the big house, the job, the relationship, the friendships, the clothes, the car, the health?

Then ask yourself, am I living from a place of fear or love. Then choose. The greatest thing is you can always choose and if you choose wrong, you can choose again.

So, I ask again, what do you choose?

 

SA xxx