There are moments in life that fundamentally change you. These moments can be major events such as natural disasters, the loss of a loved one, having a child, or getting married. However, it is more common for a life changing event to be a passing, seemingly insignificant moment, and when asked what has changed you the most you most probably would not recall it.

One of these moments happened to me at the end of 2019.

I don’t think there is a woman alive that is in total acceptance and in love with her body. If there is such a woman, I would love to meet her!

I would like to think I have done a bit of work on the acceptance of myself in the past few years. With that being said, I still look in the mirror and poke and prod at the parts of myself I see as being “not good enough”. And, although I am conscious to not let my inner voice criticize myself (too much), I do still think things like “dam, I’m a bit bigger here, I have more weight there!”

You see, I know when I have put on weight, my clothes get tighter, my body feels softer in that places that used or feel stronger, I choose clothing that will hopefully accentuate other, more “attractive” parts of my body, and hide the rest. The bottom line is. I KNOW. Every woman knows!!

So when at a work function, a male work colleague felt compelled to come up to me and ask me if I was pregnant (FYI, I’m not), and then proceeds to tell me that I “have a bit of a tummy”, my life is instantly altered.

This may seem like nothing, however this seemingly insignificant comment has the power to drastically change a person’s life, and not for the better. Having what you perceive as your flaws being noticed and publicly pointed out by someone is devastating. It’s the horrible confirmation of all the nasty things you have thought about yourself being externally expressed back to you. “Yes, you are fat. Yes, you are ugly. Yes, you are worthless, and the whole world can see it”.

In this moment I desperately wanted to shrink into nothing. I was in total shock to begin with, was I hearing him correctly? OMG my worst fears about myself are true, I do look terrible.

This could have well of been the catalyst for sending me down the rabbit hole of an eating disorder, self-harm, and/or depression. Was the man trying to be malicious and hurtful? The truth is, I am not sure why he said the things he said to me. He later came and apologised, I think due to other females, who had heard, berating him for the comment. However, pulling the barb out still leaves behind the poison.

I had grown up being teased and made fun of for the way I looked. Kids can be very cruel and in a time of your life when you desperately want to fit in, I was on the out. So, you could say I was used to negative things being said about me. The question was, how was my psyche going to react to this?

Was it weak if I slipped into not eating and begun to punish myself for being “fat”? I could see how easy that would be, it almost seemed like the most logical option to take. You dislike parts of your body, an external person in your life validates those dislikes by pointing out your flaws to you, you begin to repeatedly tell yourself you are not good enough and not worthy, depression takes over etc. etc. This is the in my opinion is the most common response, especially among young woman and girls and, its’ heart breaking.

So, what was I going to do? I instantly felt more self-conscious about my tummy, but I refuse to limit my food intake. I have been studying nutrition and to me, health is more important that skinny. Plus, I would feel like a massive hypocrite if I was preaching about eating a healthy well-balanced diet on one hand, and starving myself to lose weight on the other.

I had also been doing so much internal-work on not talking badly about myself, and to find a small amount of love for myself, so to let someone else dictate how I was now going to feel about myself seemed wrong and inconstant as well.

So, I looked at myself deeper.

What had it meant to me when he said those things? Well, if I was honest it highlighted that I wasn’t happy with my body. I had been neglecting to exercise for months and had slipped into a bit of a rut with my fitness. So maybe, it was the awakening to me that I should put some more self-care into my daily routine and work on my fitness again, continue to eat healthy, cut out the sugar, and to remember that I am more than my appearance. I have a mind, an intelligence, a soul. And, that no matter what anyone says about me, I will not let their opinions dictate to me how I see myself.

I am in no way perfect at this, I am conscious of my body and don’t feel “happy” in it quite yet. Although, I refuse to hate it. I am grateful for all my body does for me. I want to better take care of my body in this New Year, I want to move it more and feel strong in it. I want to be the healthiest I can be. And no one, especially a man, can try and take that away from me, intentionally or not.

Bottom line is, Men – NEVER comment negatively on a woman’s physical appearance. You have no idea what she already thinks about herself or what she is going through or how that could impact her. And women, LOVE yourself like you do your best friend. Because you are worth it, you are beautiful, and you are enough!

This moment in time has most definitely changed me, although I choose for it to be a positive one. It’s just lucky I have the ability to make that conscious choice, because many do not.

Love Suze xxx